Complicated Scissors in Life!
“Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and he will establish your plans.” Proverbs 16:3
Ellie has been working on using scissors. Just the other day I went to show her how to hold the scissors to make cutting her paper more comfortable. She quickly pulled back saying “I got it!” Watching Ellie figure out how to use the scissors makes me think about God. Is He up in heaven laughing while he watches us try and navigate life? You’re right!! He’s most likely not laughing but I know He has to be amused. There are times when we should ask Him for help but instead we take matters into our own hands. Sound familiar?
When Jessie and I found out we were moving to Illinois the first thing I did was look up Primrose Schools. I had been working for Primrose for 8 years. I wanted to one day be a director of a Primrose. I just knew Primrose is where I belonged FOREVER even in Illinois. To my disbelief there is no Primrose close to Illinois. I couldn’t understand why God would change plans on me. I’ve been working so long to be a director of a Primrose and God calls my family to Illinois where there is no Primrose?!?! My heart was questioning God big time. I even at one point looked up to God and asked “What is wrong with you?” As if He was the problem! I knew God was calling our family here to Illinois but where did I belong in this great plan of His? I heard in my heart God say…
“Wait!” In so many words He told me I didn’t have to have it all figured out. He told me I could trust Him. Did I listen? No! Of course not! You should know by now that I have a mind of my own. I went to the best known preschool in Illinois and applied. I was doing all I could to make sure “the plan” would still happen. I got the job. I felt proud. I’ve got it all figured out or so I thought. I’m really laughing at myself as I look back. A month later we moved here and I started working full time immediately. The school is great! My coworkers were great. Yet my heart felt out of place. Long story short for the next few months I fought the misplacement of my heart. I fought this because I realized I had held the scissors of life the way I wanted, ignoring all the help offered and cut into His plan to make my own. I complicated what didn’t need to be complicated all because I wouldn’t listen to God. I tried so hard to make my heart fit in this job but my heart just wasn’t there. It’s funny because it all makes sense now as I sit here planning the next month of curriculum and scheduling volunteers as Kids Life Director at our Washington church. It actually makes me laugh. I would have never put myself in the shoes I’m in. I didn’t believe in myself enough. I’m still in awe of God! God knew! He knew what He was doing the entire time. Of course right?!?! He always knows! Director was always in His plan I just had to let go of how I envisioned Director fitting into my plan. He knew without Him I couldn’t have stepped out in faith as Kids Life Director. He knew I needed help with the scissors. It wasn’t until I put the scissors in His hand that I was able to see what He really wanted for me. It was only when I let Him help me with the scissors that I finally saw where my heart belongs.
BTW: one of my prayers before coming here was “Lord, make it so clear where I belong in Illinois. Make it impossible not to see.”