Forever One Short!
⚠️ Sensitive Topic: Miscarriage ⛔️
I can’t count the number of times I catch myself looking for our middle child. I find myself standing there saying…
There is Ellie!
There is Jay!
Where is the middle one? The one who would be three this month?
For a few moments I stand confused to why I feel like I’m missing the one I never held. I never held him, I never counted his finger and toes and we never named him but he was there for such a short time. He was there long enough to leave an emptiness. I might always feel that loss while here on earth. I might always feel like I’m missing a child. I’m might always look for the middle. Miscarriage reeks of pain, emptiness and guilt. It leaves you in a constant search for your child. It leaves you in moments of panic feeling you lost sight of one of your children. There is hope in Jesus though. There is hope that while I might catch myself searching for years for my child here on earth I know he is in heaven with Jesus and we will meet one day.
On earth I will always have that “Forever One Short” feeling. In heaven though we will be reunited and that pain will be no more. The search will be over. The grief will disappear. The celebration will begin.
My baby never got his heart beat but I’m 100% confident that Jesus knows him, loves him and is with him right now. They are already celebrating! And one day we will all join in on that celebration.
“For the Lord your God is living among you. He is a mighty savior. He will take delight in you with gladness. With his love, he will calm all your fears. He will rejoice over you with singing.” Zephaniah 3:17
How beautiful it is to know where our middle child is. How wonderful it is to know he is being loved on by the one who loves him more then I ever could! How much peace it brings to know that he is in his forever home; safe, loved and delighted over. He is in perfect peace, happiness and care.
This April I get to add the number three candle to his collection. Each year I buy the number candle that represents the age he should be. I never want to forget that he existed, he matters and there is a place in my heart that will always be searching for him. I never want to forget the beautiful gift God gave me even if it feels our time with him was too short.
Happy birthday to my middle child! I know your celebrating in a glorious way.